"HOW-TO Guides" provided by Turnkey Relocation Services
MOVING WITH CHILDREN
Talk with your children early about the move. Experts suggest that children of all ages need time to adjust to the idea. Have a family discussion and tell your kids as soon as possible.
Your conversations should be an ongoing process, and include the following topics:
Talk with your children early about the move. Experts suggest that children of all ages need time to adjust to the idea. Have a family discussion and tell your kids as soon as possible.
Your conversations should be an ongoing process, and include the following topics:
How about a good book for yourself or your children that deals with the subject of moving?
- Why you are moving
- Share details about where you are moving. This opens the door to enlist the kid’s assistance with fact gathering via the internet or local library.
- Encourage your kids to ask questions about the move, and reply to them as honestly as possible. Their questions can tell you how they feel about the move – excited, uneasy, etc. Some questions may give you ideas how to involve them in the moving process.
- Ask the children how they feel about moving. While remaining optimistic, share your feelings, too. This will let them know that their feelings are natural, and reassure them that they are not alone with their concerns.
- Talk about the many positive aspects you have learned (by doing your homework ahead of time!) about the destination – attractions, events, schools, activities, etc.
Let the kids plan and decorate their new room. Children’s interests are piqued by the thoughts of getting a new bedroom! Have them plan how they want to arrange furniture, hang pictures, paint the walls, colors and designs, storage ideas, work spaces, reading spots, etc. (This will help later with the actual packing of the kids’ rooms – what to keep and what not to keep.) This can be done with drawings, on the computer, or with cutouts.
Make a calendar to show what will happen in what order during the moving process. An informal schedule can reduce anxiety that generally accompanies unexpected events. This is also a good spot to do “sign-ups” for specific jobs.
Keep things as routine as possible. Maintain your usual mealtime, naptime, bedtime, etc. You will want to return to the family routines as quickly as possible after the move as well. Take time to hug and play w/ kids. Spend extra time with them and address their concerns as they arise.
Let the children be part of the team. This is a good time to emphasize that this is a family event and everyone’s contributions will be valued. It gives kids a sense of control and relieves anxiety to participate in projects, make and tend “to do” lists, and help with family events. School-agers are project / list oriented – use this! For example, get maps and let them help plan the route to their new home (geography lesson opportunity!).
Be Positive! Your attitude will influence your children’s attitudes. Stay upbeat and calm and this will “rub-off” on the kids. Moving is an emotional experience, so expect the natural ups and downs - a good exercise in patience. Be a good role model for healthy behavior – the kids are watching! Moving can actually strengthen family bonds as you work together through the process. A good plan, family involvement, and open communications can foster these feelings.
Contact your children’s new school.
- Call the principal or guidance counselor to arrange a tour of the building (preferably by a student guide) and a meeting with the new teachers. Kids are nervous about not knowing their way around, and this will relieve the worry and give them a familiar face on their first day.
- The new school may be able to share the names of students living nearby – a great way to meet before that nerve-racking first day.
- Contact coaches and club advisors to arrange extra-curriculars ahead of time. If the move is mid-year, school teams might be set, but community leagues are always open. Also, check into interest specific activities like piano lessons, karate, art classes. Sign up for more than one in case one falls through or does not work out. Being a part of a group is an important aspect of settling in and great way to make new friends!
- Help plan the first day of school, e.g. what to wear, what to take, your new contact info, how to get there. Also, be there when your kids come home from their first day even if it means leaving work early. It is a very important day for them, and you want to be able to share in that moment.
- Read books and watch shows about moving to assist your children with coping skills through story characters who model successful strategies. See our Read More About It list of recommended books.
- What is the best time of year to move for the kids? There are many theories about the “easiest” season, and all have their merit. The point to remember is that whether you have a summer move, fall move, winter move, or spring move – kids are resilient! Utilize all your parenting tools – that will make all the difference.
- This can be a fun project when approached with a positive attitude! Older children can pack their own belongings with little supervision, and all children enjoy decorating “their” boxes. Take a trip to the craft store for stickers, markers, fun labels, etc. Doing this will help you find their boxes once they come off the truck!
- During the actual packing children may feel the need to hold tighter to that old toy (you know the one they haven’t played with for a year!). This is a natural reaction to the changes of moving. It is also an opportunity to make a donation bin for a local charity. Provide two bins – one for keeping, one for donating. Doing this will allow them to “do something for others” with items that are meaningful to them. Check the bins to make sure that what they are donating is appropriate and what they are keeping they really need. Do this with tolerance and sensitivity.
- Pack the kids’ rooms last, as far as is possible. Load the kid’s boxes on the truck last, if at all possible. Unload and unpack them first!
- An Essentials Box is essential! Each child should have a box or bag with a few of their “treasures” to carry in the car or on the plane. These are items that will help the first few days seem like home – books, games, stuffed toys, electronic games, photos, etc. (not toiletries or clothes). This box or bag can be decorated by the child, as well. If it will cause a tear when it cannot be found right away...put it in the Essentials Box!
- Make sure you have a survival bag your family will need immediately upon arrival – snacks, toilet paper, soap, shampoo, bath towels, paper towels, shower curtain, toothbrushes, coffee maker, etc. One less thing you have to run right out and do when you arrive.
- Carry with you irreplaceable family heirlooms – baby books, photographs, family jewelry, etc., and essential records – medical, school, dental, birth certificates, etc. Do not load these on the moving truck if it can be avoided. If it will cause a rise in blood pressure when it cannot be found right away...put it in the Essentials Box!
Teenage specific hints. For teenagers, friends are of utmost important. In addition to being excited about moving, they may be upset about having to leave, worried about making new friends, and stressed over having to “fit in” someplace new. There are several things you can do to alleviate their anxiety:
- Inform them of the move immediately. They need time to adjust, grieve, and plan. Keeping this information from them might appear to be a betrayal, and you want to keep the lines of communication open.
- “Sell” them on the move. Do your homework and find all the opportunities of interest specifically for your teen. Point out the household benefits – getting their own room, location to activities, etc., and emphasize the positives for them personally.
- Explain in detail why you are moving. Older children can grasp the bigger picture even if they do not really want to understand. Be patient with their comments, and keep the communication lines open.
- Let them know the timelines and events before they occur. Ask for their input and assure them that their feelings and opinions are respected, even if you cannot always act on them. Again, communication is the key!
- Make travel arrangements well in advance including hotel reservations and flights (direct, if possible). Also, book a hotel room that can be cancelled for the night you arrive in case you arrive before the truck.
- Pre-arrange for important services to be working when you arrive – electricity, phone, cable, internet, etc.
- If your children are young, arrange for a sitter on moving day. Otherwise, let them be present and participate – it helps with understanding what is happening. Assign each family member a task for the actual day.
- Find restaurants and grocery stores ahead of time with plans for feeding the hungry group upon arrival.
- Celebrate your arrival! Have a surprise gift waiting for the family when you open the front door. This can be as simple as a new board game or art project, to an outdoor game set or sleeping bags, air mattresses, camping gear (which might serve a purpose if the furniture will not arrive the first night!). The idea is to spark some instant family fun.
- Host a “send-off” party for the kids and all their friends. Cookouts, pizza or ice cream parties are fun ways to celebrate friendship. To ease the difficulty of leaving emphasize all the ways they can stay in touch. Get an address book so your children can gather everyone’s addresses, emails, and phone numbers. Provide a blank journal book (these come in all styles and covers) for friends to fill with messages. Make, or have your kids make, lots of party pictures to put in a scrapbook, shoebox, or hang on the wall in their new bedroom. Knowing they can stay in touch with old friends, neighbors, and family members will go a long way toward a successful transition.
- Make time as a family to visit favorite restaurants and special places before leaving.
- When the house is empty, take a “memory stroll” through the rooms reminiscing over happy memories. Take a walk around outside as well, remembering fun times. This is a good moment to compare how the house feels when it is empty compared to when it is full of family belongings, leading the thought that the new place will feel like home with the family and their belongings around.
- Have a “meet” your new home walk-through. This should also include the yard and neighborhood. Talk about plans for your belongings, paying particular attention to the children’s ideas for their own bedrooms.
- Have a family party the first night! Have a picnic in the living room with everyone’s favorite take-out food. Take a drive through the neighborhood with a treasure hunt list of things to watch for. Whatever your family would enjoy – do it the first night. It is a great start for the whole family.
- Plan a Welcome to Your New Home ritual. Within the first week, do an activity that will have meaning for you and your children. If you had a basketball goal before, hang a new one. If you plant flowers, plant new ones. If you decorate a family room together, decorate the new one.
- Get back to the usual routines, rules and rituals as quickly as possible – meal times, bed times, etc. Normalizing your day will help everyone feel more settled. Consistency provides a sense of security for kids.
- Prioritize the unpacking schedule. Kitchen, bath and family room essentials are important, but do not spend too much time on the unimportant items. Unpack the kids’ rooms and make it a priority to get them set up. The sooner a child’s room is unpacked, the sooner they adjust to it. This is their space, so let them participate. Let them choose a new rug or bedspread. You did not get packed in a day, so do not worry about the time it takes to unpack. Take time to enjoy your new home – the decorating will happen in its time.
- It takes time for everyone to adjust to new surroundings. Be patient and listen to your kids – both verbal and non-verbal indicators. Younger children will benefit from several walk throughs and discussions about their rooms, like and dislikes, ideas for decorating, where everyone else is sleeping, where the bathroom is, etc. Focus on the positives and use a soft nightlight for a short time to help them sleep.
